Journal
September 19, 2020
I’m an anxious person, who — like many anxious people — present as chill, relaxed, easy going. I am highly vigilant. I double check everything: locked doors, ovens, the air in my car tires, the cat, the dog, the spots on my legs, my email, the weather, the news.
I’m afraid of heights, bridges, cars (even though I love to travel), dogs (even though I love dogs). I’m afraid of getting mugged if I go out at night (even though I used to go out at night almost every night). I’m afraid of being conned.
And now my spouse’s transitioning scares me. I’m not afraid of her. I love her. I feel confident the docs at the trans center are giving her the best care.
I’m afraid for her.
I’m afraid of other people and what they may do to her. I’m afraid a Trump-loving idiot is going to beat my wife to death. I’m afraid the country is going to be taken over by Trump and the radical fundamentalist Christians who are going to round up feminists like me, and trans people like Natalie, and all people on the LGBTQ spectrum, and Black Lives Matter people, and investigative journalists, and any other number of people who don’t toe the line and put us in prisons similar to the ICE prisons that are currently holding our immigrant neighbors. Are we next? Will we soon have gulags? Am I paranoid? Is my fear justified?
Ruth Bader Ginsberg died yesterday. The Supreme Court will soon be packed against us. I’m afraid of America.
Non 